Church/Life Woes...

I think I am in the middle of a identity crisis... sigh. I've been dealing with a lot of things lately that have me totally confused about what to do next. Since no one really reads this blog, I think I'm pretty safe sharing these things here... so I will use this as a way to get these thoughts out of my head and if someone reads it great... if not, that's fine.

What does "church" mean to you? Of course it's a place where you go and worship God and hear great preaching, etc... but isn't church supposed to be more than that? Isn't church supposed to go beyond the four walls and out into the world and people's everyday lives... not just something for Sunday morning? I am not really seeing that in our church lately.

I have had it up to my eyeballs with church clicks! It is no wonder to me that the world thinks badly of the church... church people are worse than high school students. How is someone supposed to feel like they belong to a church family, when people can't take the time to acknowledge your existence? I can't even count how many church functions, mom's group things, birthday party's, bridal shower's, playgroups, and lady's events I have not even known about until after the fact. As a matter on fact, the only time I have been asked to attend something in our church is when they needed a sound person.

Out of the blue one day I got a call from a girl that I have not seen or talked to in 2 years inviting my daughter and I over to her house to do some crafts with her kids who are about the same age. I immediately thought how funny it was that people I see every Sunday at my own church couldn't give us a second thought when it comes to inviting us to their kids birthday parties, or over for playdates, etc. but this girl thought of us out of no where and invited us over. I could not care less when I am not invited to something, but when my daughter, who is the same age as all the little kids in our church, is forgotten time and time again I get really mad.

Sorry for my rant. I am just fed up big time with people in churches pretending that they are mega Christians, but don't act any more mature than a sixteen-year-old who doesn't want to be someones friend because it's just not cool to do so.

Baby Scare...

Ok, so yesterday I went to the doctor's for something totally not pregnancy related and on my way there I thought "Hmmm.... I hope he listens to the heartbeat again today!" I just love that sound and was so looking forward to hearing it again. Sure enough my doc decided to check it. Yay!

Well, after 10 minutes of trying to find it, we heard nothing. WHAT!!!!???
Since we had heard the baby's heartbeat last week and it sounded awesome and he/she was wiggling around kicking the doppler, it never crossed my mind that we wouldn't be able to find it just a week later. Sigh.

My doctor started saying things like "have you had any bleeding?" and "how many miscarriages have you had previously?" etc.... I started to panic slightly and then burst into tears right there in the Dr.'s office. He said that he would try and get me in for an urgent ultrasound and then he prayed with me before I left.

I drove home and told Shaun about what had happened. We were both pretty upset about it and weren't sure how to feel. Sigh, another huge faith test. Having gone through this before 4 other times and only having a good outcome once, it was hard to be positive and to put our faith into action. I must admit, I have failed at the faith thing several times in the past.

Today was our ultrasound.... and after spending the entire morning in tears, I suddenly felt a strange peace as we were driving there.
We got in right away... the lady turned on the monitor and said "There's your baby..."
I was so afraid to look, because I didn't want to see a baby there with no heartbeat. Then she said, "...and there's the heart, beating away!" HUGE SIGH OF RELIEF!

The baby was perfect. Everything looked fantastic and his/her little heart was beating away at 154 bpm!!!! He/she was so squirmy that the ultrasound tech could barely get good pictures. :o)

How awesome is God!!!

Yay!!!!

I haven't blogged here since July... I know, lazy blogger. Sorry! We've been busy with everything but our own lives, so we've really had nothing to blog about.... until now!

Today I am announcing something that I have kept a secret for a long time. I am nearly 15 weeks pregnant and SOOOOOOOO excited to be a mommy for the second time around! We were waiting until we heard this little one's heartbeat before we told the world (or anyone for that matter)... today we heard it! A strong little thump, thump, thump! What a beautiful sound!!

We are a week into our second trimester, and perhaps I will share a little bit about why we waited to long to share this exciting news some other time... but for now, I am enjoying my new little bundle!!!

I am also about %85 sure that I can feel some little movements from time to time! Yay!!!!!!!!!!